How Do You Motivate a Teen? Namasté

Let’s Make A Deal and Using Collateral

“I’ll make you a deal. If you walk the dog for me on weekdays, I’ll do a special favor for you on weekends.”

“I’ll make you a deal. I’ll pick you and your friends up from the movie if you can find another parent to take you there.”

“I’ll make you a deal. I’ll match whatever you save for that new sweater (guitar, game, etc.)"

Collateral works really well with teens. If they want to borrow something of yours, they need to give you collateral which you will return when they return the item. Good collateral might be a favorite piece of clothing, an iPod, an iPad, a cell phone, etc. It needs to be an item that has value to your teen.

Motivation Through Involvement

.

Joint Problem Solving Works with Teens

Four Steps for Joint Problem Solving

1. Teen shares his or her issues and goals.
2. Parent shares his or her issues and goals.
3. If goals of teen and parent are far apart, brainstorm to find options.
4. Teen and parent pick an option they can both live with and try it out for a short time.

Follow-Through

 

Four Traps That Defeat Follow-Through

1. Believing that teens think the way you think and have the same priorities you have.
2. Getting into judgments and criticism instead of sticking to the issue.
3. Not getting agreements in advance that include a specific time deadline.
4. Not maintaining dignity and respect for yourself and your teen

Four Hints for Effective Follow-Through

1. Keep comments simple, concise, and friendly. ("I notice you didn't do your task. Would you please do that now?")
2. In response to objections, ask, "What was our agreement?"
3. In response to further objections, shut your mouth and use nonverbal communication. (Point to your watch after every argument. Smile knowingly. Give a hug and point to your watch again.) It helps to understand the concept of "less is more." The less you say the more effective you will be. The more you say, the more ammunition you give your kids for an argument—which they will win every time.
4. When your teen concedes (sometimes with great annoyance), say, "Thank you for keeping our agreement."

Kind and Firm Parenting Skills To Remember

1. You can motivate your teens with encouragement which is very different from trying to get your teens to do what you want.
2. Humor, collateral, let’s make a deal, and involvement are positive motivation tools.
3. There is one surefire way to get your kids to keep their agreements, and it's called follow-through. It may be a lot of work for you in the beginning, but it will be worth every minute of the time you spend to train both you and your teen to use better habits.
4. Read the four steps, the four traps, and the four hints for successful follow- through again and again, because they are very different from how you would normally respond as a parent—and as a human.
5. You must be there at the first deadline to set up the follow-through. It won't work in the long run without you there in the beginning.
6. If you whine or complain that using follow-through is too much work, track how much time you spend reminding and nagging your teen instead. Notice the effect that nagging has on you and on your teen. Keep a checklist of how often the task you are nagging about actually gets done. We call this a reality check.
7. Follow-through will help you use fewer words and your kids will hear you better.
8. Don't hesitate to prepare in advance and maybe even practice with a friend. You can always listen to the "Empowering Teenagers and Yourself in the Process" audiotapes for a live demonstration. It helps! (They can be found on our web site at www.positivediscipline.com )
9. We do not recommend making contracts with your teens. If you need to write information down as a reminder for both of you, that is respectful and effective. Setting up a contract means you are treating your teenager like a client or an adversary. If you do sign a contract, don't be surprised by your teen's attitudes.

- See more at: http://www.positivediscipline.com/articles/teenmotivation.html#sthash.uKXna477.dpuf

  

- See more at: http://www.positivediscipline.com/articles/teenmotivation.html#sthash.uKXna477.dpuf

 

- See more at: http://www.positivediscipline.com/articles/teenmotivation.html#sthash.uKXna477.dpuf


 http://www.positivediscipline.com/articles/teenmotivation.html

http://www.wcdsb.ca/Youth-Parenting-Tips/pdfs/Motivating%20Your%20Kids%20to%20Do%20Their%20Best.pdf

http://parentingteens.about.com/u/ua/highschool/gettinggoodgrades.htm

http://www.empoweringparents.com/How-To-Get-Your-Unmotivated-Child-On-Track-Before-School-Starts.php