How to Develop Coaching Skills

How to Develop Coaching Skills: A Leader's Practical Guide

Helen Wong rightly positions coaching not as a soft, optional skill, but as a "fundamental skill for leaders." It's the shift from being a "manager of tasks" to a "developer of people." Here’s how you can cultivate this skill set.

The Core Mindset Shift: The Gardener vs. The Carpenter

· Analogy: Think of yourself as a Gardener, not a Carpenter.

  · A Carpenter hammers, cuts, and shapes wood to fit a pre-designed blueprint. They impose their will on the material.

  · A Gardener doesn't make the plant grow. They create the optimal conditions for growth: preparing the soil, providing water and sunlight, and pulling weeds.

· Implementation: Your role as a coaching leader is to create an environment where your team members can grow into their own potential, not to force them into a predefined mold you've created.

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Key Coaching Skills and How to Develop Them

1. Active Listening: Listen to Understand, Not to Reply

This is the cornerstone of coaching. It’s about fully concentrating on what is being said, rather than just passively hearing or, more commonly, formulating your response while the other person is talking.

· Practical Implementation:

  · The 3-Second Rule: After the person finishes speaking, consciously wait for 3 seconds before you respond. This ensures they are truly done and allows you to process what they said.

  · Paraphrase and Reflect: Summarize what you heard in your own words.

    · Example: "So, if I'm understanding correctly, you're frustrated because the process is blocking your creativity, not because of the workload itself."

  · Ask for Confirmation: End your paraphrase with, "Is that right?" This shows you value accuracy and their perspective.

2. Powerful Questioning: Unlocking Insight

Coaching isn't about giving all the answers; it's about asking the right questions that lead the individual to discover the answers themselves. This builds critical thinking and ownership.

· Best Practices & Examples:

  · Avoid Closed Questions: Instead of "Did that project meet the deadline?" (Yes/No)

  · Use Open-Ended Questions:

    · "What" questions explore facts: "What part of this challenge is most exciting to you?"

    · "How" questions explore process or emotion: "How do you think we should approach this?" or "How did that outcome make you feel?"

    · "Tell Me More" is a simple but incredibly effective prompt to go deeper.

  · Example in Action:

    · Employee: "I'm stuck on this client problem."

    · Manager (Old Way): "Here's what you should do..."

    · Coaching Leader: "What have you tried so far?" ... "What's one thing you haven't tried but have been considering?" ... "How can I best support you right now?"

3. Providing Constructive Feedback: The "Feedforward" Model

Feedback shouldn't be a critique of the past; it should be a gift that fuels future performance.

· Practical Guide: The S-B-I Model (Situation-Behavior-Impact):

  · Situation: Be specific about when and where it happened. "During the client presentation this morning..."

  · Behavior: Describe the observable behavior objectively. "...when you used the detailed charts to explain the data..."

  · Impact: Explain the effect of that behavior. "...it really helped the client grasp the complex concept, which I think built a lot of trust."

  · For corrective feedback, you would frame the impact and then ask a question: "...the client seemed to disengage. What was your sense of their reaction at that moment?"

4. Building Trust and Psychological Safety

People won't be open to coaching if they fear being judged, embarrassed, or punished. Your network, as Helen Wong and Minister Tan See Leng note, is built on trust.

· Best Practices:

  · Be Vulnerable: Admit your own mistakes and what you learned from them. This gives others permission to be human.

  · Maintain Confidentiality: What is discussed in a coaching conversation stays there.

  · Show Consistent Respect: Be on time for meetings, be fully present (no phones), and follow through on promises you make during sessions.

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Practical Implementation Guide: Making it a Habit

You don't need to schedule formal "coaching hours." Integrate it into your workflow.

1. The One-on-One Check-In:

· Dedicate the first 10 minutes of your weekly 1:1 meeting to coaching. Ask: "What's on your mind this week?" or "What's one win you had and one challenge you're facing?" Then use your listening and questioning skills.

2. The "Pre-Mortem":

· Before a project kicks off, gather the team and use a coaching question: "Imagine it's six months from now and this project failed. What are the top three reasons it did?" This proactive approach unlocks concerns and solutions early.

3. Network Building through Coaching:

· Apply this outside your team. When meeting a peer from another department, ask coaching questions: "What's the biggest initiative your team is working on?" or "How can our teams better support each other?" This builds bridges based on understanding, not just transaction.

4. Start Small:

· Pick one skill to focus on for a month (e.g., Active Listening). After each interaction, do a quick mental recap: "Did I listen fully? Did I paraphrase?"

Conclusion: The Return on Investment

Developing coaching skills, as Helen Wong concludes, is how you become an "employer of choice." The return is immense:

· For your team: They feel valued, understood, and empowered to solve problems independently.

· For you: You build a resilient, adaptive, and highly capable team that requires less micromanagement, freeing you to focus on strategic leadership.

· For the organization: It creates a culture of continuous learning and internal network strength that drives innovation and performance.